


Secrets

by PattonSanders



Category: Sanders Sides (Web Series)
Genre: Angst, Bulimia, Eating Disorders, Human Sides (Sanders Sides), Logan/patton - Freeform, M/M, Prinxiety - Freeform, Purging, Roman Sanders - Freeform, Virgil Sanders - Freeform, logicality - Freeform, roman/virgil - Freeform
Language: English
Status: In-Progress
Published: 2019-11-27
Updated: 2019-11-28
Packaged: 2021-02-26 04:08:01
Rating: Mature
Warnings: Creator Chose Not To Use Archive Warnings
Chapters: 2
Words: 1,482
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/21587350
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/PattonSanders/pseuds/PattonSanders
Summary: It's Thanksgiving and Virgil is battling an eating disorder that his boyfriend thinks he's recovered from
Relationships: Anxiety | Virgil Sanders & Creativity | Roman "Princey" Sanders
Comments: 4
Kudos: 63





	1. Thanksgiving

**Author's Note:**

> TW:  
> bulimia/Purge disorder  
> Vomit  
> Calorie count

It was Thanksgiving and Virgil was sitting around the table nervously counting up all the calories that were currently being stacked up on his plate by Patton. It was getting harder and harder to get through a full meal without having to get up and throw up but it was Thanksgiving and he knew that he would have to get through it somehow. As the plate was set in front of him his eyes scanned the plate. Turkey:58 cals, mashed potatoes:214, stuffing:109, cranberry sauce:86, bread roll:90, Gravy:236, and lastly pumpkin pie:323. 1116 calories, the thought of that made Virgil feel sick. Once everyone was served, they all held hands and said one thing that they were grateful for. Virgil hoped that Roman and Logan who were sitting on either side of him couldn't feel how badly his hands were shaking but the gentle squeeze that came from Logan and the curious eyebrow raise from Roman indicated that they did. They couldn't find out, they all thought he was better, he couldn't let them down again. When all four of them had spoken, they dig in. well everyone but Virgil. He slowly picked up the fork and poked at the potatoes, he winced as oil seeped out of the small hole that his fork made in the side of the mound. “Virgil?” a voice to his left asked quietly. Virgil looked up brown eyes making contact with Roman’s worried green ones. “Is everything alright love?”. Virgil nodded and picked up a forkful of potatoes. He took a deep breath and ate it looking back up at Roman. Roman seemingly satisfied resumed his conversation with Patton. Miraculously Virgil was able to force his way through the entire plate. He finally swallowed the last bite and winced at the painful feeling in his stomach, He felt awful. It had been ages since he had allowed himself to eat even half as much as he had eaten today. His heart was pounding, he could feel the bile rising up in his throat but he forced it back down. He couldn't be weak. He still had to eat pie, then he could get rid of it. If he left now then they would all know. He felt Roman take his hand under the table and turned his head ever so slightly to look at his boyfriend. “Im proud of you Virgil, I know how hard that must have been for you considering your still recovering.” Roman said softly and gave virgil a sad smile. “I love you” he whispered. Virgil forced a small smile “I love you too Ro”. as the pie was passed around, Roman squeezed Virgil's hand before digging in. Virgil took a long drink of water before eating his pie. Finally the meal was over and everyone went their separate ways, Virgil claiming to go take a shower before bed.

Virgil groaned as he leaned over the toilet, fingers shoved as far back in his throat as he could get them. His stomach ached. He wrapped one arm tightly around his stomach pressing hard into his stomach every time it heaved. He had been kneeling by the toilet for just about fifteen minutes now. He was grateful for the shower being on because it drowned out the sound of his vomiting from the rest of the house. His puking became harder and harder as the liquid had already been puked out and he stood up to get more water. He leaned in front of the sink drinking warm water directly out of the faucet. When he stood up he inspected his body in front of the mirror. He felt tears spring to his eyes as he took in his appearance. He was skinny enough that you could see his ribs but he was so bloated. He felt his stomach for a moment before finding the spot right in between the base of his ribs and punching it as hard as he could. He quickly ran back to the toiled as the vomit rushed up. He did that a few more times before getting more water. He took his toothbrush and putting the bristly end in his mouth leaned over the toilet. In less than five minutes he had gotten everything up. He coughed a few times, downed about a gallon of water and again with the toothbrush threw it backup to insure that he had gotten everything. He slid to the ground leaning heavily on the wall, he was shaking and his stomach still ached but he was proud of himself as sick as it sounds.  
He stayed leaning against the wall for a few minutes before adjusting the water temperature to the coldest it could go and stepped into the shower. His whole body was shuddering with cold but he knew that it would help him lose the calories that his body had consumed before he was able to purge. He used an excessive amount of shampoo hoping that the smell would overpower that of the vomit. When he stepped out of the shower, he looked in the mirror once more and smiled when he could see his hip bones, ribs, and collarbones. He was no longer bloated anymore and he couldn't help feeling ecstatic despite the increasing pain in his stomach and the growing headache. When he stepped out of the shower he went to his and Romans room and seeing Roman laying on the bed reading a book, went over to join him curling into Romas side. Roman adjusted wrapping his arm around Virgil's shoulders and kissing the younger boy on the forehead. Virgil sighed knowing that his secret was safe for now.


	2. Pancakes

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Virgil pukes blood for the first time and the boys decide to get a puppy

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Kinda just a filler chapter but whatever  
> TW:  
> Bulimia/Purge disorder  
> Vomiting

Virgil woke up the next morning to the worst stomachache he had ever had in his life. He untangled himself from Roman’s tight grasp and headed to the bathroom. He locked the door to insure that no one would barge in on him and took off his shirt. His stomach was caved in slightly, ribs poking out and Virgil ran his fingers over each individual one and smiled. His stomach gave a sick gurgle and Virgil rushed over to the toilet but only produced bile and a bit of blood. Wait blood, that was a first. Virgil just shrugged it off he had heard about it, it wasn’t uncommon. He flushed the toilet, washed his hands, put his shirt back on and walked back into his and Roman’s shared room only to find Roman sitting up in bed watching him. “Is everything alright Love” Roman asked concern evident in his voice. “I’m fine Ro, I just had to pee that’s all” Virgil said getting back into bed and kissing Roman on the cheek. Roman looked unconvinced but thankfully didn’t press the issue any further and just wrapped an arm loosely around Virgil’s waist. And the two fell back asleep. When Virgil woke a second time, Roman was gone. He got out of bed, changed into a pair of jeans and one of Romans sweatshirt that was big on him but he didn’t care because it smelled like Roman and it was big enough to hide his body from any unwanted attention. He left the room and thankfully the house was empty. He made his way to the kitchen finding a note from Patton on the stove. Good morning Virgil, me Roman, and Logan went on a walk and didn’t want to wake you so we left some pancakes in the fridge. Virgil smiled a bit at the note and opened the fridge and pulled out the container of pancakes. He took one, spread a thin layer of butter over the top, grabbed a large glass of water downing half of it before eating the pancake and the other half after. He then went to the bathroom and like every morning threw it up. He was long past the phase of feeling guilty for throwing up Patton’s cooking even though for the first couple months it haunted him to the point of almost stopping. He swished baking soda and water around his mouth wincing a bit at the taste and spit it out in the sink. He washed his face and was applying his eyeshadow when the other three came home, Patton and Logan hand in hand all three of them with pink cheeks and noses. Roman’s face lit up when he saw Virgil and he engulfed him in a big hug. “Logan finally agreed to let us get a puppy” Roman practically squealed causing Virgil to laugh. “And we’re gonna go look today” Patton exclaims equally as excited. Virgil smiles fondly at the excitement on his boyfriend, and best friends faces. “Well come on goof ball let’s get in the car” Logan said wrapping an arm around Patton’s waist and kissing the top of his head smiling as he did so.


End file.
